Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
