I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
