Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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