i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
