Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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