i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
