Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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