I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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