Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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