Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
