if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There r osticjed everywhere
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
