And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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