If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Michael Bay diarrhea
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
