Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A bitchslap is in order.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
