I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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