all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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