fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
