i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i came on her dog
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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