How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
