He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize