question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
