Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
where are you?
Hypothermia
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
