He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
