How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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