hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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