3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
