i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
