My friends, they love my intelligence
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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