I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
