I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How drunk are you?
Completed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
