The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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