your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
