I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found puke in my bra..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
