Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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