Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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