I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
