i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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