have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
