WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
