you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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