Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
