I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
