I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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