Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
