if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
