Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
