Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
