Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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