I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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