Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I could fuck to npr.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
