I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
