I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my poor anus
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We need to get me chipped asap
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize