Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
