i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
