it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Screwed.edu
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
