Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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