Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
