Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
