I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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