So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
