How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
