I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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