He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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