So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
