I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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