i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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