when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize