I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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