I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize