Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
