so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
