Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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